Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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