Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
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