Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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