Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
