First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
How does it feel to date your dad?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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