i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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