i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
