Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
