We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
im on a boat
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