i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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