i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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