I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
