i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
