You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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