just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Someone came in the potted fern
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
