Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
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