I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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