I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
3 2 1 whiskey
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
