mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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