Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
