At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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