just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
