3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
