Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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