I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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