my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize