so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
