You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
