Can i not drive my cunt home
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
