Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
