Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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