I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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