WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
