It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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