I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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