someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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