is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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