guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
