R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
this beer tastes like vomit already
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
