Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
