its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
