I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
