You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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