guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
