...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
