Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
