theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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