alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
