member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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