i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
