i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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