You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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