I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
