sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
