He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
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