I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I currently don't understand fingers.
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