if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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