He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
