Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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