Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
