life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
