Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
