Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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