All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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