So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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