she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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