if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
