dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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