Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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