Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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