oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
