her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
