By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
