His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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