Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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